


You Only Fall Twice

by Liquid_Lyrium



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: 1960s, 1967 Crowley, Bittersweet, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), James Bond References, M/M, Other, POV Crowley (Good Omens), Pining, Pining Crowley (Good Omens), Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liquid_Lyrium/pseuds/Liquid_Lyrium
Summary: Crowley had never been in love with a human before.--Written for NTA prompt of Bingo/Bullseye
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Name That Author Round 11, Week 49: James Bond





	You Only Fall Twice

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you dear Sk3tch for the title!! It's so perfect!!! Written for the anonymous "Name That Author" game in the Good Omens Event server, this time the prompt was Bingo/Bullseye. Mildly edited/cleaned up.

Crowley had never been in love with a human before.

They were so alike, had so much in common. How could he  _ not _ fall in love with the man? They both cut a fine figure in black for a start. Crowley flattered himself that they were both clever. Each of them led dangerous lives, always one step ahead of the game. No ordinary man could get out of scrapes the way this human could. He was quite flash too, perfectly at home in Mayfair. And while it was no Bentley, he had good taste in fast cars.

It was love at first sight, once the human had turned and fired his gun at Crowley.

Crowley left the movie theatre with a slight bit of guilt pounding in his chest, but honestly… hadn’t everyone else fallen in love with James Bond too? Could he be blamed for being so weak? It was tempting to imagine himself in Moneypenny’s place; swept away in strong, sure arms. Or as a Bond Girl with a shockingly rude name? Or fighting back to back in matching tuxedos against Russian spies, hopelessly outnumbered with only their wits and revolvers to get them out again.

Crowley sighed, crumpled up his popcorn container and dropped it on the pavement. He dragged his fingertips along the Bentley’s bonnet as he crossed over to the driver’s side door. “Cept that’s the thing, ini’t?” He asked no one in particular, as he leaned back in the driver’s seat. “He’s always got a secret gadget or weapon, doesn’t he? It’s  _ not _ just his pistol and his wits and his bloody good looks.” Though those didn’t hurt. “...Well, who says I can’t have that?”

The demon squeezed the steering wheel until his heart finally remembered it didn’t need to lash out like he’s some common mortal. The engine roared to life and he was speeding down the busy London roads, as if he were staging his own multi-million dollar chase scene. He could see it now. On the run with James Bond riding shotgun. Two spies with nothing left to lose. Gunshots firing as their pursuers closed in…

_ “They have us now,” fretted Bond, as he finally ran out of ammo. _

_ “Not yet they don’t,” answered Crowley, driving them off the cliffs of Dover and onto the deck of a waiting submarine. _

_ “We can’t leave—Crowley! There isn’t anywhere to go!” _

_ “It’s a big ocean, never find us under there.” Crowley peeled out of the car and pulled Bond down into the submarine, where they were both able to change into ludicrously tight and skimpy swimwear, although his companion insisted on tucking his blond hair fussily into a swimcap. _

Crowley abruptly slammed on the breaks, unsure of when James had become Aziraphale. An angry driver behind him laid on their horn. Crowley ignored them.

In front of him was a turnway into a petrol station. He had never bothered to put fuel in the Bentley, but right there in the window—

_ Free James Bond Transfer Press with Purchase of 2L or more of Petrol! (Inquire within!) _

**Author's Note:**

> Listen. LISTEN. I understand James Bond is Problematique, but Sean "Mr. Universe contest alumni" Connery in his prime as Bond would be difficult for anyone to resist ~~projecting onto~~ falling in love with. Especially 6000 year old demons with overactive imaginations. ~~But also. ALSO.... Aziraphale in Honey Rider's ridiculous white bikini with a swim cap *clutches chest* Absolute angel!!~~


End file.
